Thursday, January 31, 2008

T-Shirts Also Available

Strolling through New York's Chinatown this past weekend I just couldn't resist taking a snap in front such a smuttily-named establishment. A bit of a no-brainer, but hey, I'm not the one to talk to about thinking with your head instead of your hard on.

P.S. The inside walls were lined with dollar bills and featured a signed picture of Cuba Gooding Jr. shaking hands with the owner leading me to believe this whole 69 thing must be really paying off. And, yes, you too can get your very own "69 Chinese Restaurant" t-shirt and be the envy of coworkers and loved ones in no time. Cum to think of it, you might even be lucky enough to attract someone interested in a real live 69 -- but I can't guarantee that, and I don't think the people at 69 would either.

Weekly Video -- Declare Independence!!

Do i even need to make the argument that Bjork is sexy? Didn't think so.

Next Thursday will be the first day of the Year of the Rat, and I say amen to that! I think this is the perfect way to send off the bumpy, grumpy old lunar year and herald a change of priorities.

I'm off to make my own flag.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Fun with Photoshop! The Ron Jeremy edition

What the - Ron Jeremy has a Lego© version of himself?

On the left: A painting by Carlos Castro (2006): Patron des compras

Monday, January 28, 2008

Feb 1st: Faggity Ass Friday + Limited Edition version of Lickety Split #5!

Head & Hands and Main Hall present
Faggity Ass Friday!
with Lickety Split smut zine's launch of the Limited Edition version of #5: The Multiples Issue!
with DJS:
Dirty Boots
Julie D
+ Gender Outlaw Projections
& Dirty Thoughts Photo Booth
February 1st, 10pm at the Main Hall (3590 St-Laurent)
$5 suggested donation, bring ID and no liquids please!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Midol keeps 'em coming back!

Here's a vintage Midol ad via feministing that just goes ahead and says it straight out: your period makes you undatable. (Click on the photo to read the badgering copy.)

Judging from this photo I suspect "my Guy" might be too in to "his Guy" to be worrying about my period crabbies. We may have bigger relationship fish to fry...

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Weekly Video -- Janet Jackson's If....

Well, I've been told to cool it on the "funny" videos and bring back the ssssssexy (see what I didn't do there, Justin Timberlake?).

Voila, for sentimental reasons I give you Ms. Jackson's Orientalist vision of hyper-technological-debauchery (technobauchery!), chock full of scopophilic delights.

Choreographed cunnilingus!!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Dyke Road

It was an unusually mild Christmas day when my dad and I drove down the country road on our way to Grand Desert Beach. Dried out rushes that had struggled to poke their heads through the snow only days before were now free and the soggy soil at their roots threatened enough water to bring them back to life one more time before a quick death at the next snowfall. The air was wet and soft on my face as I leaned out the window—you had to go pretty slow in Seaforth, wouldn’t want to hit a curious cat or sweet little family too mesmerized by their brand new baby to see you swerve around the corner too fast. Tragedy. I had that empty, loveless feeling that makes you like a lonely snow covered night just waiting for something worse to happen. I had made myself so sick thinking about Ange over the holiday it was like my body wanted to vomit out every last trace I had ever ferociously consumed. I was suddenly, painfully, simultaneously wet and nauseous at the ill-timed moment when the memory of her bright eyes and crooked smile slowly descending backwards down my belly coincided with aunt Ann asking me to pass the cranberries. All December that was how I remembered her—my tongue meeting Ange’s nipple over scrabble with my ten year old cousin, the apple-y smell of Ange’s damp, just washed curls wafting under my nose in the middle of a banal Friends re-run. Still sleepless at 8 am, I’d given up trying to punch out these ghosts and I could feel my worn-out psyche collapsing huffing and puffing, defeated, in the corner of my brain.
It was time out as the Dyke Road sign appeared at the top of the gravely intersection.
“You know that’s where all the lesbians live,” my father smiled wryly as we turned passed this old, familiar point of childish banter.
“Quick! Go back! Go back!” I screamed, so convincingly, I found myself startled by the amount of authenticity I could still muster after all these years.
“Aw, too late now. But maybe another time?” I had heard these lines so many times it was impossible to forget my part: “Oh, definitely. And if you drive past Dyke road one more time it’ll be me who takes the wheel and turns us back!”
“That’s the spirit,” my dad smiled again as he reached out a weathered thumb to wipe a few stray tears from my cheek.

Part of the Lovelorn (And Not So Lovelorn) Winter Fiction Series.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

lickety split oddcast no. 5 side c

lickety split in your ears

winter is the death of biking, and we are prisoners of the metro, chugging along obligingly down their unimaginative paths. the wind in my hair has been replaced by the shadow of my enormous tuque and the heavy itch of an undone winter coat. breathe deep and eat tomatoes and fish and listen to the oddcast while stuck underground until the surface is safe for life again, here in the metropolis of extremes.

so you can
LISTEN right fuckin now
or, like, check it out at INDYISH
or keep in touch through the mybook.facescape
or, like, download it later at your leisure at

No 5 side c

Tim Buckley
Leonard Cohen with John Bilezikjian on oud
Current 93
“I Remember Jeep” jam from All Things Must Pass recording sessions with George Harrison, Ginger Baker, Klaus Voormann, Billy Preston and Eric Clapton
Dan Gibson’s field recordings of the arctic
Stephen P. McGreevy’s sound recordings of “earth’s mysterious natural VLF radio phenomena”
The Melvins
Toshiya Tsunoda
+ unshielded AM radio recordings, backwards talking by Nick Cabelli

a note on backwards talking:

it takes FOREVER, so think of this oddcast as unfinished. it was supposed to last until the start of Song of the Siren, and then be spoken again in french (in backwards) where Lover Lover Lover is. it would have sounded something like

"On my balcony there are grapes. But the grapes are gone; and the birds eat the grapes. Are the birds gone too?

I have never been anywhere; where they don’t speak English or French. Beyond my balcony is my street. It is probably connected to yours, but who wants to prove it?

I do not remember clearly anything we have ever said to each other. A brief connection, but then more miasma: a thousand highway off-ramps scream like dinosaurs and banshees before suddenly dust and mountains.

On the phone I trace the map with my fingers. These moments are like dreams to me."


Monday, January 21, 2008

Best Porn Spoof Ever?

You be the judge.

Yes, it's Edward Penishands, and it's been around forever but I'd never seen the images before.

Edward tries to eat spaghetti.

And what does Johnny Depp have to say about this film? According to BoingBoing,

"Tim [Burton] and I were both quite proud they decided to do that. It was low budget and cheesy, but it was hilarious to watch. Those hands...they served him well."

Images from Flickr and this blog review, which is quite thorough.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

MTL: Get Your Kink On!

Hi folks!

Good news! It appears that the good people over at Queer Concordia are presenting an excellent workshop entitled Get Your Kink On: a BDSM Workshop by Nora R. Heck yeah! Loverly. The workshop with explore issues related to sexual shame, dollar store S/M, negotiation techniques, linking queer and feminist politics to kink and more! For the curious, the seasoned and the theory nerd alike. This workshop debuted in Fall of 2007 during Queer Re/Action Week here in Montreal, where it proved mucho successful, so be sure to head on to QPIRG Concordia (1455 de Maisonneuve O.- 2nd floor) Saturday, February the 2nd from 12-3pm. The event is FREE, food will be provided, the space is wheelchair accessible and childcare can be provided if notice is given 48 hours in advance. For more info contact Nora R. and buds at queerconcordia @ gmail . com .

If you're interested in reading a bit more from this bright and dirty minds first, check out an article Nora R. authored with Kate L. (of the "St-Laurent kiss-in" fame) in the latest issue of Concordia University's The Link newspaper right here. These two get it right on!


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Weekly Video -- Hungarian Bruce Willis raps for peace!

Ever wonder what a Hungarian Bruce Willis would sound like if he rapped really, really slowly?

No? Well too bad. Sasha Baron Cohen looks on in awe as Speak the Hungarian rapper unveils his new chart topper, er... "Sometimes, people make a war" (?)

[Don't miss the backup singers: Hungarian Benicio del Toro, Clay Aiken, Mario Lopez, and Paul Schaffer!]

Yee, come on. Let's rock.

ps -- Did he refer to Snoop Dogg as "Snoo"?

Monday, January 14, 2008

Simone de Beauvoir Centennial Celebrations

There are a lot of reasons to admire Simone de Beauvoir, not least of which include her crusade to provide women with legal, safe abortions and her sexual anarchism. Similar to Emma Goldman, de Beauvoir practiced an open relationship with her long-term partner Sartre, and was known for her threesomes and bisexual affairs.

Of course, this "scandalous" behavior is now interfering with the forthcoming celebrations of her life in France. You can read the full story here.

Unlike some biographies and articles that try to paint Simone as a jealous lover (towards Sartre), this piece reveals that in fact it was Sartre who displayed jealousy more frequently, while Simone was committed to an open and honest relationship (Sartre wasn't so keen on the honesty bit either, apparently). Ah, Simone, so much more interesting than Sartre. Ah men who say they want an open relationship and then lie and cheat. But I digress...

Anyhoo, here's the photo that rocked France's intellectual circles!!


Image via

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Weekly Video -- Daniel Dreams of You!!

Bear with me folks, this week's video is a bit of a detour into the strange powers of youtube. I present to you "The One I Dream Of" by Daniel.

My favorite verse is where Daniel, who looks to be about 10 years old (he's 13 for reals), walks towards me on the beach confidently stating "You think I'm just a child. But I can drive you wild." Erm...

To answer your question, yes he does have a huge international fan base.

PS -- I just rewatched it. Is he some sort of stooge for those To Catch a Predator folks, meant to lure and hyptonize the viewer with crazy kaleidoscopic background visuals?

Friday, January 04, 2008

Weekly Video -- LOE Solidarity!

Welcome to 2008, friends.

Let this sweet, fuzzy, bumpin' video "Sisters in the Struggle" by Montreal's own Lesbians on Ecstasy embrace you like an old, woolly poncho.


Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy Two Thousand and Eight!

Best wishes to all of you and yourn!
A short post today, but here are some items for your fresh new years eyes...

Stuff to check out:
Tomorrow, January 2nd: Audio Smut radio's New Years show from 6-7pm on CKUT 90.3 FM on the dial in Montreal, or for everywhere else.
Slow Dance Night came and went and now there are photos, videos and words all about how wonderful it all was on the SDN blog!

Lickety Split stuff to get excited about:
- Special Limited Edition of Lickety Split #5: The Multiples Issue will be launched at Faggity Ass Friday at Main Hall February 1st!
- Lickety Split will be tabling at the Erotic Arts & Crafts Fair in Toronto February 8-10th!
- Lickety Split will be launching issue number five in Toronto at Good Handy's that same weekend!
- More Slow Dance Nights to cum!
- Lickety Split #6 call for submissions coming soon!
- Lickety Split merchandise is in the works!

Amber xo