Friday, February 29, 2008

Weekly Video -- Hot Springs make you dizzy and weak in the knees

Here's some local talent for ya'. The Hot Springs' new video Headrush has the smokiest vocals I've heard in long time. Plus, shout out to our friend Anne, who looks mad hot drumming for bird people...

Keep them comin'!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

lickety split oddcast no. 5 side d

lickety split in yr wet dreams

the last multiples oddcast! also unfinished! sexier than ever! and yet strangely unfulfilling.

right-click and download it (or click and listen! clik n' lisn!)
or like go to indyish to subscribe to it
ou meme le facebook thing


Dan Gibson’s swamp sounds
Morricone’s sick heart + whispers + gasps
DJ Q-Bert
Space Machine
Swamp Dogg

two-dimentional pop songs are static and inaccessible. they are "other" places, a storyland which holds our attention, through a narrative or emotional hook or something. lyrics contextualize the pop-song. it is like a press-release, a prepared statement, complete and truly intended by the pop artist; instructions on how to read the song, where it comes and who it's for.

the pop song on this side, for instance, suggests that if it were not for sly, the unintelligible but certainly celebrational grunting and moaning would not be taking place. the "sexy" noises, what one smarmy critic called "the panting noises of a woman with a broken leg trying to finish the last half of a marathon," are integral to the reading of the song: sly's funk music is so sexy the only way they can vamp it any higher is by outright aural carnal injection.

at the same time, however, it illustrates the difference between sly—multi platinum superstar—and swamp dogg—obscene mid-level soul sensation, specifically in terms of just how sexy music can be. swamp dogg, for better or worse, injects sexual female grunts as an additional instrument into the mix, which is then like a layer of pornography through which any reading of the song must penetrate.

this song is the nexus and inspiration for this side.

it is followed by a mysterious "song" comprised of excited bongos, another excited female voice, and what are apparently bedsprings, each rising in intensity over a five minute span. this is overlayed over takushi yamazaki's spacemachine project, from a piece which germinates meanderingly for 21 minutes. this is like a joke, like two lovers who are not on the same wave length. or one lover who is not paying attention. there are moans and rhythm but there is also a wandering somethingelse. perhaps sex is very cosmic after all.

it is bookended by two songs from fushitsusha and neu! (which i pronounce "noy," but you make tackle as you see fit) which i find immensely sensual. in contrast to the swam dogg song, where an aggreable interpretation would be: "yeah, it would be good to be sexin' right now," the longer, instrumental songs offer no indication of how they are meant to be received. as a result their interpretation can be guided and influenced. or at least, that was to be the experiment.

the fushitsusha track represents flirting, and horniness and vexation, leather jackets and night clubs. this piece in particular i find very accessible, simple rock and rock, like 35 wordless white stripes songs in 10minutes. rock and roll is sexy, right? black leather and sunglasses and all that?

the neu! song has a strange excited sameness to it. like the bongo-space-sex medley preceding it, it offers both the motion of rhythm and the texture of the silky guitar twiddles. i guess its a little like cuddling, but far more dynamic. maybe like dolphins.

both songs were to be completely over-dubbed with "sexy noises." to be realized fully, the project requires a more significant variety of "sexy noises" then can be procured presently, and so is presented incomplete.

listening to excited heartbeats can raise your own heart rate. as a counter measure a sick, irregular heartbeat was added throughout the side.

sometimes it makes me dizzy

next week! we found no.4 side B! the oddcast homage to popmtl! sure, pop was almost five months ago. but its mercantile spirit remains always.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Just in case you haven't heard, the Co-op Bookstore is hosting the Hardcore Reading Series--a monthly event--starting tomorrow, Wednesday, February 27 at 7 pm. The event should be a lot of fun, so we're hoping you'll c'mon down to 2150 Bishop to check it out. Here's the line-up:

* LAURA ROBERTS, Editor-in-Chief of Black Heart Magazine and sex columnist for
* MARK JOHN HIEMSTRA, a guy who's new in town but has lots of hardcore stories to share
* SARALINE GRENIER, with an excerpt from her novel about time travel
* VERA OLEYNIK (aka Abbie Kitten), a woman who has lived more lives than you
* GILLIAN SZE, reading from her awesome chapbook "This is the Colour I Love You Best"

Suggested donation is $5 at the door, though no one will be turned away, and readers' works will be available for sale at the bookstore. You've got nothing better to do on a Wednesday night, so why not check out our Hardcore Reading Series? We guarantee NO BORING READINGS OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

See you there!
- Laura Roberts and Mark John Hiemstra,
Hardcore Reading Series co-organizers

Monday, February 25, 2008

Wear Pink on Wednesday!!

When a Grade 9 boy was bullied for wearing pink at a high school in Nova Scotia,two Grade 12s started a pink-wearing campaign to support him. The next day, tons of kids were wore pink to school, and the two older boys handed out 50 free pink t-shirts.

This Wednesday the anti-bullying campaign goes global -- wear some pink to show support (as you may have noticed, Lickety Split always wears pink).

Hell, you can even throw a pink party if you feel like it!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Be in a Lickety Split Deck of Cards!!

Pick a card – Any card!!

Have you ever wondered what you might look like framed by clubs or diamonds?

Lickety Split Zine invites you and your friends to pose for our Nude Dudes deck of playing cards, a limited edition artifact that will be distributed alongside Issue # 6 of the zine.

We’re looking for 52 different individuals to make a complete deck (jokers aside); all photos will be taken on Polaroid film. This is a gender-queer-and-gender-fuck –friendly project, so any and all male-identified people and personas are encouraged to apply.

We’ll be prioritizing diversity and originality, so send a description of yourself and your idea to (and a head shot if possible, please!). We encourage people of all sizes, shapes and shades to appear in Lickety Split!!

*Is your heart set on being the Jack of Hearts? Choice of card will be determined on a first-come first-serve basis.

** Due to high printing costs, participants may be asked to contribute a donation of $20 if they can afford it. In exchange, they will receive their own copy of the deck once printed.

Deadline to apply: March 1st

Comfort and consent

* In order to ensure the comfort and safety of both the model and photographer, Lickety Split uses this set of guidelines for all photo sessions (click on “photo guidelines”).

*Full nudity is optional. All models will be asked to sign a release form post-shoot.

*Photos may be taken by persons other than the photographer (Kathleen KR) upon request.

*Photographer may bring an assistant to shoots for her own comfort/safety.

no flirty

"Prosecutors in Saudi Arabia have begun investigating 57 young men who were arrested on Thursday for flirting with girls at shopping centres in Mecca.
"The men are accused of wearing indecent clothes, playing loud music and dancing in order to attract the attention of girls."

read the story @ the beeb

Friday, February 22, 2008

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Weekly Video -- Nick Cave has the No Pussy Blues

I think this video is a nice pessimistic follow-up to last week's Valentine's Day bitter croonings.

Grinderman's very Talking-Heads-esque "No Pussy Blues":

If you can watch this without getting horny, you're neither animal, vegetable, nor mineral.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Dead Dolls Cock Suck Countdown: Suck #2

Just look at Miss Tear Jerker go! Here for your ravenous consumption is yet another morsel of undead perversion to get those juices flowin' for O' My Bleeding Heart! One advantage of having a dismembered cock? You can plop it on your thigh and finally give those hundred year old hips a well-deserved rest.

This just in from the crypt:

"The Dead Dolls exist in a realm where class cannot penetrate." - Cammy Mudflaps, on the Titties and Ass Balloon Dance.

"I like how this dance is a comment on the way Justin Timberlake jerks off all over himself."
- Penelope Percacet, on the Dead Dolls tricked-out version of Sexy Back.

Come experience this class-less realm and jerk off all over yourself!

Saturday feb 23
cafe cleopatra
showtime 9pm
doors open to start drinking -8pm

tickets at door $12

presale tickets $10
available at
Joy Toyz
4200 boul. st. laurent suite 415 (corner rachel)

Monday, February 18, 2008

no orgasms, no dicks

indian intranet provider bans words;

complete list unavailable

complete list probably doesn't exist.

secret "team" decides what words are okay
and lets a room of computers do the rest.

banned words include, but are not limited to, "orgasm" "orgy" "sexual climax" "dik or dick" "dam or dammit"

from an editorial in the times of india.

"in our article we had described a flock of wild pigeons landing at the edge of a desert pond and having 'an orgy of spray bathing'. We had used the word orgy in its dictionary meaning of 'a celebration in general'. On the 28th, we sent a registered letter to VSNL chairman, pointing out the absurdity, and illegality, of his company's expurgating policy. We have not, as yet, received any reply."

comment directly to the newspaper here

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Concordia Coop Anti-Valentine -- L/S was there...

Last Wednesday evening Lickety Split had the pleasure of attending Concordia Co-op Bookstore's 5th annual Anti-Valentine's event.

It was a super fun and informal evening, and the turnout was really fantastic (you can't tell from the photos). Larissa's comedy stylings were a sweet surprise, as was the jam session at towards the end of the evening. Christina read her story ("Because They Loved Each Other They Played Twister" -- Issue #5) to much acclaim. Delicious cupcakes were enjoyed by all.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Get Your Heart-On: The Dead Dolls Present O' My Bleeding Heart, A Post-Mortem Valentine for the Masses

You heard right, folks! Right on the decomposing heels of a frenzied, frightening fall and the jaw-breaking sucess of The Rotting Flesh Review, Montreal's Dead Doll Dancers are slithering out of the ground once more too offer you a post-mortem valentine! Come get your heart-on at O' My Bleeding Heart and these zombshells are sure to have you on the edge of your seat with all their tastelessly titillating treats!

Special guests include:

Nat King Pole- everyone's favourite inducer of wet panties, and

Big Moves- Boston's saucy, sexy spectacle of burlesque and size-acceptance all rolled into one well filled out corset.

Saturday feb 23
cafe cleopatra
showtime 9pm
doors open to start drinking -8pm

tickets at door $12

presale tickets $10
available at
Joy Toyz
4200 boul. st. laurent suite 415 (corner rachel)

info/tickets: 514-561-9678

Now, to kick things off, LS presents:

The Dead Dolls Cock Suck Countdown!!!!

My, oh, my Miss Penelope Percacet has been getting some good ghoulish lovin' in the fifty years since she rose from the grave. Tune in every day or so for a new slice of proof that sometimes the best head of your life can cum after you're no longer living!
Cammy Mudflaps really seems to be enjoying herself!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Texas Repeals Ban on "Obscene Devices"

I.e., dildos, vibes, etc... A little tardy, but not too late to celebrate!

Here's a fascinating and hilarious excerpt from The Dildo Diaries doc explaining the history of Texan obscenity laws and the ingenious methods people have been using to circumvent them!

Did you know: Prior to the repeal if you owned 6 or more dildos in Texas you could be arrested for "intent to distribute", but if you owned 5 or less you were considered merely a "hobbyist". Hee.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Weekly Video -- This Day Can Suck my Clit!!

Hi, forgive a gal who had a really, really bad 2007.

On this beautiful sunny day, which I actually have no quibbles with, I'm gonna go ahead and inject a healthy dose of venom into all the lovin' vibes smearing around out there. Fuck Valentine, fuck his cousin, and fuck his goddamn dog.

This phenomenal song by Kelis ("Caught Out There") goes out on behalf of myself, my lady-friends, my mother, my grammamica, and my nana. Yeah, that's right.

Yo, he's lyin'.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Morgantaler to be awarded Order of Canada -- Cast your vote

So a group of pro-choice activists have launched a campaign to award Henry Morgentaler the Order of Canada.

Morgentaler has been nominated twice already, but was passed over both times.
He has recently suffered a stroke and his health is failing. The Order of
Canada cannot be awarded posthumously. Read the article here.

Here's the urgent part. The Globe & Mail is conducting a poll on the question of whether or not Morgentaler should receive this award. So far, the 'no' side has received overwhelming support (like over 80% of votes cast). yik

Please cast your vote here.

Image from a demonstration held in Sherbrooke in 1979.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Right, so, Leslie Hall. That was fun.

Here's the thing. There were way too many people. Why wasn't this show at a bigger venue? Why stuff a tiny venue to 10 times its capacity and deny a bunch of others admission, when there are plenty of other, larger places all over this city? The last time I was jostled within an inch of my life was 3 years ago at Club Soda (or maybe it was Metropolis) where I went to see The Killers—say what you will, that first album was, um, killer—and I swore to never put myself in that situation again. What is it about closed spaces that makes it acceptable for people to give you unapologetically dirty looks while they actively bum rush you? Why can't people behave, as they do, for example, at Faggity Ass Fridays? Leslie & The LYs are supposed to be fun, and you'd think the experience would be swathed in a general atmosphere of good vibes. Instead, you have a room full of people who are caught between their fanatic love for the people on stage and their deep-seeded hatred for the people around them. I lost my friends, have a couple bruises, and when I think back to the night, all I can really remember are the two unmentionably rude girls who violently pushed their way in front of us and spent the rest of the evening encouraging their friends to do the same. (In case you're curious as to why I insisted on staying rooted, I suppose it's 50% prideful righteousness—I was there first, dammit!—and 50% the desire to get a couple good photos for you, dear reader).

When I think a bit harder, I remember that Donzelle put on an amazing performance, as always. Roxanne was ON, Mo'skye sang to me, claiming she'd love me forever if I bought her a car, and Micomb did that thing where you grab your ankle and, um... you know... well, it was hilarious and awesome. And Leslie... where do I start? From her entrance to the on-stage costume change, the introduction by Cher, the backup dancers / singers / roadies / merch table girls, the evangelic naming-of-the-sweaters, the HAIR, the gems... it was, without a doubt, one of the most amazing performances I've ever seen, even without "Gold Pants Lullaby," which was notably absent from the playlist.

Would I go see Leslie & The LYs again? Perhaps... but certainly not at such a small place. I wouldn't bother taking photos. I'd probably stand in the back. In the meantime, I'm going to go look for bands absolutely no one has ever heard of and go see them instead.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Weekly Video -- Show yo ass

What better video for this chilly, grey February day than The Coup performing their bittersweet song "Show yo ass." Sexy, angry and nostalgic all at once. Welcome to the 'month of love' doldrums...

Who doesn't have a crush on Boots Riley or, for that matter, Pam the Funkstress?

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Beats, Booty and Cackling Sea Shanties: Body and Soul 5 Showcases a Unique Mix of Hotttt Women Performers

“I don’t like sausage, I like sauerkraut”
These words, bouncing powerfully off the lips of Giselle Numba One, were just one example of many gut-busting utterances of sheer prowess and joy perking my ears during Tuesday night’s edition of Festival Voix d’Amériques. The fifth installment of the aptly named Body and Soul night, the goal of its organizers was to break away from the limited amount of space and sexiness normally allowed women performers and aimed instead to showcase the kind of grrrls who simply can’t help but trample all over normative conventions of beauty and behaviour. As explained by artistic director D. Kimm, female artists can become so boxed in by criticisms concerning their bodies that it has the unfortunate effect of detracting attention from the recognition they deserve as artists. Having staged successful revolutions of roaring femininity for the past four years, the latest edition boasted a one-two punch beginning with the brazen bootyliciousness and slick tongues of Giselle Numba One and Donzelle and culminated with a special appearance by esoteric musician and artist Baby Dee.
Skipping up to the mic with a sly, don’t-mess-with-me pigeon-toed walk, Giselle Numba One immediately told the crowd that for her first number it was their decision, “beat or no beat?” Seemingly nervous upon the return of a “no beat” verdict, Giselle reluctantly left her red laptop/beat box aside but within seconds it became clear she had been feigning modesty as rhymes spat flawlessly from her lips. Sometimes sweet, sometimes teasing, she was always commanding. Backed by her own smooth, unselfconscious dance moves, Giselle fired the first of what round after round of fresh hip hop. Seamlessly blending her beats with subject matter ranging from Wicca to seducing straight girls while their boyfriends are on tour, this energetic lady captivated all of Sala Rossa with her humility, fierce presence and even fiercer sound.
Up next, sharing the set with Giselle, was the Portuguese-Quebecois powerhouse Donzelle. Reigning over the crowd in her gold spandex leggings and flashy bling, this bilingual temptress took to the mic with as much sass, dirt and sexual agency as Khia and peaches combined, only to add a whole new level of groove to the mix. Flocked by one equally decked-out back up dancer, Donzelle’s smooth rhymes were accompanied by seductive dips which only served to further the mesmerizing quality of her performance. Her face full of expression, she smiled as those in the audience gleefully caught on to her filthy innuendo. Sharing the stage with grace and authority Giselle Numba One and Donzelle captured an energy that filled the whole room with soul and real ingenuity.
Switching gears for Act II, festival goers were privileged to witness Baby Dee, a truly talented musician whose history as a MTF transsexual performer in a Coney Island freak-show had already created a tone of mystery before she even took to the stage. A classically trained piano and harp player, Baby Dee dove into her first song with the kind of gusto which conjured up images of pirates preparing to face their fates on the high seas. Backed by cello, bass and guitar, she cackled and threw her head back at every turn of her musical expedition, clearly taking delight in some audience member’s uneasy reactions to her zany and sometimes controversial song lyrics. Claiming that she can sometimes get a big head when reporters compliment her on having written some of the most offensive songs of all time, Baby Dee explained her humility comes from always remembering she “only stands on the shoulders of tasteless giants.” Sometimes appearing as a ghostly apparition or trickster, the murky strength, sorrow and joy conjured up by Baby Dee’s haunting melodies were coupled with tender emotion which spoke to the diverse experiences of this unique performer. An unpredictable combination of female artists, Body and Soul 5 allowed a lucky audience to glimpse performances featuring fearless stage presence, commanding creativity and self-defined hottttness.

Issue #6 -- Call for Submissions!!

It’s Lickety Split #6#6#6 – The Risk Issue!!!

The mark of the Beast is upon Lickety Split smut zine– We’re flirting with our darker desires this time around, hiking our skirts up inch by frisky inch. Oh, the possibilities… We enlist you, we implore you, hell we double-dog-dare you: Take a deep breath and send us your tantalizing, titillating and totally uncensored proposals. Take a chance on smut!

Lickety Split urges you to submit your proposals for:
Kinky and crafty limited edition artist objects (e.g. trading cards,
buttons, etc)

As well as our standing invitation for:
Models and photographers
Essays, interviews & reviews
Short stories
Comics, drawings, and other sexy 2D art!

Submission Guidelines
Before you let loose with a huge torrent of porn and sex related ideas, please acquaint yourself with our guidelines and criteria. Written work can be no shorter than 300 words but no more than 800; please include a pitch and cover letter with your submission.

Models and photographers:
Please read the photo guidelines and the technical requirements before you pitch your idea! Photos must be 300dpi or higher and submitted in either a JPEG or TIFF format. Please send submissions to or mail to Lickety Split, P.O. Box 1783, Station H, Montreal QC H3G 2N6

April 1st 2008

Concordia C. S. Co-op Bookstore Valentine's Day Event!

The Concordia Community Solidarity Co-op Bookstore will hold its fifth annual Anti-Valentine’s Day Event on Wednesday, February 13th starting at 7 p.m. The event will be held at the Co-op Bookstore, located at 2150 Bishop, and will feature short films from Volatile Works, Rachel Dhawan, and the Pink Panthers, as well as stand-up comedy by Clara Kwan and Larissa Dutil, musings from Women’s Studies professor Trish Salah (to be confirmed), a brief acoustic performance by HULK-298, and readings from local smut zinesters Lickety Split and Laura Roberts of Black Heart!

The Concordia Community Solidarity Co-op Bookstore is a not-for-profit organization aimed at reducing student fees by selling books, school supplies and other items at a fraction of their suggested retail price. Used book consignment services also enable students to recoup some of the money they spend each year on textbooks, and artisan consignments encourage the community’s thriving art scene. Membership costs only $10 for life, though one need not be a member in order to shop at the Co-op or attend this Anti-Valentine’s Day event.

The Concordia Community Solidarity Co-op Bookstore is located at 2150 Bishop Street in Montreal. The Anti-Valentine’s Day Extravaganza kicks off at 7 p.m. Admission is a suggested donation of $5, though no one will be turned away, and all of the Co-op’s stock will be available for purchase throughout the evening. Refreshments will also be available for a small donation.
Concordia Community Solidarity Co-op Bookstore
2150 Bishop
Montreal, Qc
Office: 514-848-7445
Fax: 514-848-7450

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Audio Smut radio: Call for Submissions + listen in Wednesday @6pm!

If you've got something to say about sex and sexuality, we're listening! The Audio Smut radio collective is on the lookout for a variety of short-to-long format radio pieces for the 2008 schedule, including:

- Audio Diaries
- Reviews
- Community profiles and updates
- Interviews
- Opinion pieces
- and more!!

If this sounds interesting to you or if you are interested, send us a paragraph long pitch and we'll get back to you! You can e-mail us at audiosmut @ ckut . ca.

Audio Smut is a radio show based in Montreal that looks at sex from all angles: educational, political, cultural and kinky. Tune in the first Wednesday of every month from 6-7pm on CKUT 90,3 FM. Audio Smut is one of four shows that air during the Hersay hour. To listen on-line and download past shows visit

Check out the Audio Smut radio Facebook group & MySpace page when you have a chance!

Friday, February 01, 2008